Choices

Thankful Challenge Day #5

I am thankful for choices. 

We don't always get to choose.  I have often told my sons,when they were criticizing each other's choices, "You don't get to pick."  We all have our own choices to make, good or bad, right or wrong. 

Even though I say I am thankful for them, too many choices is NOT good for me personally.  When choosing tile for my kitchen, I wouldn't let the salesman show me more choices.  I was looking at a box of a couple hundred samples.  Surely one will be good.  When looking at a food menu, I tend to scan for things familiar, not looking at every single item to decide.  (My sister on the other hand, is NOT like me in that regard!)

Eve made a bad choice.  She and Adam were given every freedom except one simple thing, and they chose to do it anyway.  They weren't starving, they didn't need the food.  They simply chose to do the one thing God had said "don't" about.  And so we have the continued problem of the knowledge of evil they chose that day.

I am thankful for the choices I am given.  Today, I chose what to cook for supper tonight.  I will choose what to wear, out of a closet full of enough garments to clothe a tribe.  I chose the vehicle that sits outside.  I could have had one of many others.  I chose the leather chair I am sitting in.  (I did not choose this poodle that lies here snoring beside me, but that's ok!)

I am thankful to have the choices on the ballot, the opportunity to make a choice and vote for the governing positions that are on that ballot.

I am thankful that God gave me the choice of choosing Christ Jesus over my paying my own penalty.  I am not perfect, I am not holy as HE is holy, and because I have sinned there IS a penalty.  A death penalty. 

I am thankful for that choice, and I purpose in my heart that I do not take it lightly.

I purpose to be mindful of every single choice presented, every moment of every day. I purpose to make my choices according to God's standard, what HE says is right.  I don't get to pick, I don't get to determine what is right.

HE does.

Period.

Peace

Thankful Day #4


I am thankful for peace. 

Never in my lifetime has there been war on the soil on which I live.  Though there is a lot of violence in a lot of places, I have not experienced it personally. 

There has been plenty conflict.  Disagreements. Arguments. Hurt. Betrayal.

Plenty.

But in the face of the worst of it, I can have peace. 

I can know that God is not surprised by one single thing.  Even our disobedience is not a surprise, it never was.  He had made provision for the rebellion in the garden.  That peaceful relationship with our holy God was broken when the fruit was chosen over simple obedience. 

Our enemy deceived Eve, and he still deceives us.

Sin disrupted the peace and harmony our ancestors enjoyed with God.  Adam and Eve had walked with Him in the cool of the day. (Genesis 3:8)  It disrupts us still today. 

 But even after choosing to know good AND evil by eating of that forbidden tree, God made a way for us to enjoy that peace once again.  "He shall bruise you on the head.." (Genesis 3:15 KJV) 

It was very costly because the result of disobedience is death.  But instead of me dying for my disobedience, Jesus died in my place. 


My peace with God is what I am thankful for above all else.  Because I have peace with Him, He teaches me and enables me to have peace in every other situation. My peace is granted to me thru faith and obedience to Christ Jesus. When I lack that peace...I can look for what might be hindering it.

What wrong attitude? 
What fear? 
What rebellion? 
What sin? 

Today, I am thankful for peace with God, peace with man, and peace in my own mind. Conflicts may again come, threats, or the hurts that often come from people. Because of my peace WITH God, He has given me the peace OF God. 

 "Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled.." (the words of Jesus as recorded in John 14:27 NASB)

If you do not know what it is to know His peace, make it your number one priority to learn. 

  "...humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God..." (1 Peter 5:6 NASB)

Courage

Thankful #3
2018

I am thankful for courage, and wish I had more.  It fails me periodically.


Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is resolute action when it is hard or even in the face of fear.

We are told at least seventy times in the New Testament, "fear not".  Courage is moving forward in obedient belief and faith in the face of something that threatens and causes us to shake in fear.


Police officers who put on a badge that makes them a target just to make sure others are helped and protected. Soldiers who stand on strange lands, making a stand for what is right. Those are what our thoughts go to first usually.  But what about personal courage?  Ordinary day courage?

Courage to be pleasant when someone is being very UNpleasant.
Courage to speak a kind word to a stranger.
Courage to do the right thing when you could easily get by with doing the wrong thing.
Courage to put your wishes aside, putting someone else first.
Courage to keep on, and on, and on...when you know it is right, but you just want to quit.

Courage is all of that, even when you know the cost might be great. 


The only courage I have is what Jesus supplies.  There have been difficult seasons, long ones, when I was anything but courageous.  I wanted to quit, hide, and never peep out.  But knowing His exhortations to 'Fear not!', and knowing that He is God and I am not, I managed prayerfully to keep walking. 

Courage to stop the knee jerk reactions and pray before uttering a word.
Courage to reel my thoughts back in, taking each one captive to Christ instead of letting then run fearfully wild.
Courage to accept the situations of today, prayerfully waiting, but ready to act in faith.


Today I am thankful for courage, and I am especially thankful for the One who provides it.  I sure don't have much of my own.

Beauty

Thankful Challenge #2
November 2, 2018

I am thankful for beauty. All sorts.

A sunrise, and sunset.
Springtime flowers.
Autumn foliage.
Snow covered landscapes.
Rivers.


Jewelry.
Nice fabrics.
Clothing.

Tapestry.
Woodwork.
Leathers.

Music.
Voices and harmony.

I could sit here too long making lists.

Today, I purposed myself to stop and be thankful for all the beautiful things in my life.

From a baby's sweet smile to the toothless smile of Abby the Spoonlady.
From the colors of spring to the stark beauty of leafless trees in winter.


I am thankful God has granted me the eyes to behold it, in all the unexpected places.  I want to see every single one as the gift it is.

Today.

And every single day I am given.

Thankful For Security

Today is November 1, 2018.  I sit with a laptop in a dry warm house, with a coffee cup, and a sleeping snoring dog beside me, trying to decide what to choose first to be thankful for.

My thoughts go to my husband, who provided the security I enjoy as I write this.  

Our home is simple, but it is ours, and he paid every payment. 

He keeps us warm with the firewood he cuts and splits.  

The roof is secure and keeps the rain out so that we are dry.

I have never had the slightest concern that we could lose our home. 

And I have never had the slightest concern that I could lose him.  

I am secure in his love and commitment to me.  

I think of Jesus, who provided my eternal security.  

For many years I did not feel secure. I knew the story of His birth and His death, I knew the facts about sin and its consequences. I know I am not perfect as He is, I am a sinner.  I tried hard to get myself cleaned up, act right, and do right. My attempts failed over and over, leaving me fearful of eternal punishment for things I simply could not fix.  

One day, I just said "I can't do it".  

One day, I couldn't find words to pray other than "Help me."

And you know what....?  He did. 

Today I am thankful for my security. 

The security of my husband's love, the man who provided the comfort I enjoy at this moment.  The man whose concern for me rises above the concern for himself.  The man who checks on me multiple times a day as I recover from the episode with my heart.  The man who lives the simplest life he can, so we can live in security. 

I am thankful for being secure in the love of my God and my Savior Jesus Christ, whose concern for me was so important that He chose to enter humanity, live a simple and sinless life, just so we can live in security. 

I am thankful for security.  I have not known the difference in regard to my husband's love, but I should not take it for granted. 

I have known the difference in being secure in my eternal salvation.  It is a precious thing to me. I never want to miss an opportunity to be thankful to Him for it, nor an opportunity to share the truth about His love and the security He offers. 

Thankful Day 1 in 2018

Thanksgiving is days away.  Yesterday, I saw stacks of merchandise in the grocery store aisles, all ingredients for the kind of cooking we do at Thanksgiving and Christmas.  I added a few of them to my cart, preparing for what I might want to cook when the time arrives. 


I have done this a couple years before.  My Facebook memories reminded me of it today.  I think of it as on purpose thankfulness.

Every day, I purpose to stop and consider what I am thankful for.  NOT a broad, 'thankful for my family'...not that I am not super thankful for my family, I am. But, I purpose to stop and consider the 'what' I am thankful for, and the 'why' I am thankful for it also. 

Will you join me?  If not publicly, then at least privately.  Consider it a challenge and an exercise to examine your life and your attitude.  You may discover just how good God has been to you.  I expect you know it in your head, but counting blessings like this makes us know it in our hearts. 

When you find your thankful thing, ask yourself 'why?'  Not once, but continue to ask that question with each answer to the 'why?' .

For example: Thankful for your health?  Why?  So you can enjoy life.. Why?  So you can work your job.. Why? So you can support your family.. Why?  On and on....




Now....I will be contemplating my thankfulness for Day 1 for 2018. 

I will let you in on it later.......

Walls

I am not a political person, I vote, I have opinions, but I don't get on soapboxes about them often.  Unless it has to do with Jesus, then watch out.

There is a lot of talk now about building walls.  It is not a new idea.  Not innovative at all.  I am studying in the book of Nehemiah this week, and Nehemiah was involved in the rebuilding of a wall.

The wall around Jerusalem had been destroyed when the city was conquered and the inhabitants killed or made slaves.  The political climate had changed by the time of Nehemiah's story, and he was given permission and help to rebuild what was torn down. 

I highly suggest reading the story and trying to find yourself in it.  You are there...because we all play a part. I could list a number of characters, but I will focus on a generality...Christians in general and the church...those who claim to be followers of Christ Jesus.

The wall was destroyed, and the people were rallied to clear away the rubble and rebuild.  Instead of focusing on the section in their immediate area, Nehemiah led them to rebuild all the way around, even though it wasn't a really tall wall, it was complete, the walls connecting to the gates, more walls connecting to the next gate, etc. etc. They could build it taller and wider after it was around the entire city and the gates in place.

Chapter 3 of Nehemiah tells of the different groups that built different sections of the wall.



I wonder, does the church work together like that?  We should. 

Have some of us left the walls fallen and in rubble? 

Have we neglected to do our part?  Or even worse, are some of us among the ones who ridiculed and were opposed to the rebuilding? 

Lord, help us to see where we need to be rebuilding and repairing, encouraging, sharing, and accomplishing what You have set before us.  Let us not make unholy compromises, let us not be divided but united and committed to repairing broken down walls in Your kingdom.

The Faithful Day #1

 I was able to get the study guide book today.  As I read thru day #1, there is a question:  What expectations do you think believers have of how God reveals Himself? 

I read right on by that...then seemed to be drawn back to chew on it a little. 

How do you expect God to show up in your life? 

Sisters, I wonder if we don't depend too much on our feelings.  We gals are an emotional bunch, and we mothers want to kiss everything and make it better.  Anybody else a 'fixer' other than me? 

Paul admonishes us, with the Ephesians, to have the EYES of our hearts enlightened. 

Our hearts are a seat of emotion,  "The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out.   But I, GOD, search the heart and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human. I get to the root of things. I treat them as they really are, not as they pretend to be." (Jeremiah 17:9-10 from The Message).

If we just go on what we 'feel' then we have left ourselves open for deception by the enemy.  Our hearts must have its EYES enlightened so that we will KNOW His calling and KNOW His power, not just 'feel' it. 

I often refer to a place I have...  My 'knowing place'. 

The most intense time of knowing something in my knowing place was when Jett's little body lay on a bed in St. Michael hospital bloody from a gunshot wound.  My emotions did not serve me well, I felt devastated.  But somewhere along the way, the eyes of my heart were enlightened enough that I did not just depend on my feelings, I went to that knowing place...and called for the "...surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe." (Ephesians 1:19 NASB)


Reading and mulling over Gideon's encounter with the theophany that came to him as he threshed wheat, I wonder how long the angel of the Lord had been there.  All the time, I think.  Every moment.  But the eyes of Gideon's heart saw only his circumstances, and he was overwhelmed with his feelings. 

But God made sure Gideon was aware of His Presence.  The angel came, vs.11, then sat, vs. 11, then
appeared to Gideon, vs. 12. 

There is always the Presence of God with us, if we are born again believers, we have the assurance of the Holy Spirit of God.  On days when toddlers are hurt, and on mundane days when we sit at a computer with a dog in the chair next to us......He is with me. 

I purpose that I don't depend on feelings, but on the truth of what He has SAID.  I purpose myself to look for Him with the eyes of my heart wide open, in the ordinary moments of my life.  Moments that He can make EXTRA-ordinary! 

At this stage of life, I have learned from unpleasant experience that God seldom does what I expect. I don't need fanfare, bells and whistles, or any other kind of hoopla.  He is watching me, (and you), just like He watched Gideon. 

Let's expect it, shall we?

The Faithful #1

I don't have the book for The Faithful Bible study, I had intended to go by Lifeway and pick one up, but was not feeling like a trip to Texarkana last week.  I plan to go tomorrow after we get out of BSF and get one. 

In case you don't know, I experienced an episode with my heart on August 14th.  Takotsubo Cardiomyopothy, also commonly called Broken Heart Syndrome.  It is a relatively new condition, discovered in 1990, so there is not a lot they know about it.  My instructions from the cardiologist, after a consult with the Cleveland Cardiac Clinic, was to go home, eliminate all stress, and do no work.  Do nothing that will work my heart, and remove all sources of stress while my heart heals.

I will let you know if I ever figure out how to do that. HA! 

So, I have been mostly at home for the last couple months.  Many of those days I didn't feel well enough to be anywhere else.  I spent 4 days in the hospital, only to come home and spend many more days hidden away in my quiet bedroom. 

I have always had a tendency to hide away.  Not just when physical things are wrong, but when anything was pressing on my mind, I seem to shut down and hide away until solutions come. 

As I watched this video teaching, over and over she said the words 'heart' and 'broken heart'.  I wish I had counted them.  She painted a word picture of Gideon, just trying to get the job done without any conflict or opposition.  Threshing away at what would sustain life. 

Oh how I identify. 

I don't like conflict.  Like Gideon, I will quietly place myself in the background and continue to do what I am SUPPOSED to do.  In my experience, as Gideon's was, God has found me there anyway, and has found a purpose for me to fulfill.  I have often prayed, "Lord use me for Your glory and purpose", only to reply "OH!  NOT THAT!" to an opportunity and call He gives. 

It seems my writing appeals to some folks.  I journaled for a long time before become internet saavy, then I switched to blogging, and then along came social media.  So here I am this morning, sitting with a computer, a Bible, and my brother Gideon.....looking at my situation.

I am hidden away much of the time, but here I sit, sharing my thoughts about Gideon in even a new way in this group online study.  There is MUCH evil on the internet, social media is used for MANY ungodly and unChristlike things, but this is certainly not one of them. 

Sisters, my crisis of health has certainly not been powerful enough to place me out of the reach of God, not beyond fulfilling the purposes He has given for my life.

My crisis of health positions me this morning in a quiet house, with time to read and open my spiritual ears, EXPECTING God to speak to my situation thru Gideon's story.

I have learned that my work as a hairdresser has always been about much much more than a hair-do.  I hope I have served God's purposes in the days I spent behind that chair, not just 'threshing wheat' so I could pay for bread at the grocery store. 

My broken heart will heal, and hopefully I can return to regular routines.  If not, I will trust Him to lead me thru it, just as He did with Gideon....when Gideon was just quietly beating away at that wheat, just trying to survive. 

But we are MORE than just survivors, we are mighty warriors, conquerors!  Rom 8:37 clearly tell us, ".. in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us."



I confess, I have a pity party sometimes. 

I wish I could stay as positive as Paul.  I wish I could always say "I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love." (Romans 8:38-39 from The Message)

It is times when I hide away in the winepress, flailing away at my own stalk of wheat, that God will faithfully find me and say "I see.  I hear.  I know.  I understand better than even you do. I know it's not fun.  I know it's hard.  But it's not all JUST about you, Connie." 

It wasn't just about Gideon either.  God used Gideon to change a nation.  Gideon probably never knew while he was alive, all that God would do.  I might look him up in heaven and thank him for being used by God to encourage this old broken hearted hairdresser this morning.

I remember 10-16-76

It is one of those days.  A day for remembering. 

The weather today amplifies my sentimentality.  Forty-three years ago today it was cold and wet. 

I was twenty-one.  My small frame had bulged beyond anything I thought possible.  An added 48 pounds turned me into a barrel with legs and arms.  I looked like a cow.  A Jersey cow. 

I had not been sick the entire time.  I went to work every day.  In fact, I had worked this day those many years ago.  I got off mid-afternoon and went home to our trailer-house that sat beyond Kerry's parents home.   Kerry worked an odd shift, he went to work about the time I got off, so we had a few minutes in passing.  He went off in his uniform, I ate and went to bed. 

I woke from sleep thinking I was wetting the bed.  I had been a bedwetter growing up.  Awful awful thing...  I was horrified that I was doing it now, but I couldn't stop it.  I grabbed my housecoat and got to the bathroom.  The liquid had an odd smell and was slicky.  It dawned on me...this was not urine. 

I sat on the toilet trying to take it all in.  I had been in such a deep sleep it took a few minutes to fully wake up.  A glance at a clock told me it would not be long before Kerry was home.

We didn't have a phone, and there was no such thing as cellphones then.  So I sat there.  We had an ongoing joke.  Kerry would frequently ask if I was in labor yet?    When I heard him come into the house I called out "Guess what?" 

"I know...you're in labor."  Joking..

Yes.  My water has broken I think.

He didn't come right away, he was in the kitchen.  I had left a note for him telling him I didn't feed our dog that night because I couldn't find his bowl, he had drug it off somewhere, and there was the smell of a skunk outside, so I refused to go prowling around looking for it. 

After he read the note, he came down the hall to see me sitting on the toilet.  "I am serious this time."

He went across the yard and got his mother to come deal with the wet sheets and off to the hospital we went.  It was cold.  I had a brand new coat and I fretted about getting it wet.  But I couldn't stop the trickle.  A towel crammed between my legs seemed so crude, but you gotta do something!

Every time I woke with a pain, Kerry was sitting there, propped up in the windowsill, uniform, pistol, boots.  In those days, they made him leave every time they came in to check my progress.  He was insulted and wondered aloud if they thought he had never seen what they were looking at.  If you know Kerry, you can really appreciate that imagery.

If was a long night of pushing, but around nine o'clock the next morning, the doctor grabbed some forceps and pulled a 9 lb. 1.5 oz. baby boy from my body. 




There is so much I remember.  I make it my purpose to remember the details every year, I do not want to forget any of them. 

Tomorrow is the birthday of our first son. 
This is the day I began the birthing process. 


Tomorrow, I will remember again, a whole other set of memories. 

Enough 2

I continue to ponder over 'enough'.


A few months ago I attended a conference and listened to a speaker talk a lot about being 'enough.'  I am not criticizing her, she was a very encouraging woman.  I think it is important for us to stay encouraged.  I came away uplifted having had fellowship with other women and a time away from normal routine and surrounding.  During free time, I enjoyed solitude and time to just sit quietly at Jesus' feet and reflect on the topics and scriptures.  I did a lot of thinking about being 'enough'.

And I have done a lot more thinking about it in the past few days.

I have come to a conclusion.  I am not.  I simply am not enough.

And neither are you.  None of us are.  Not in and of ourselves.  We need Jesus, and we need each other.

I don't care how smart you are.
I don't care how much money you make.
I don't care how much willpower you have, or stamina, or determination, or how much 'want to' you have.
I don't care if you wash your face, wash your hands, wash your feet, and even your hair!  You can't get clean enough.  Ever.

You. Are. Not. Enough. 

But you are not without hope.  Jesus IS enough. 

Not religion.
Not rule keeping.
Not behavior modification.
Not self-help.
Not even professional help.

Jesus.  

“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing." (John 15:5, NLT)

Hallelujah.

Enough

For days I have found the word 'enough' popping up everywhere, in my reading, in my own conversation and comments, and in my mind and spirit.  Enough already...

Let me preface this entire post by saying this is NOT a poor pitiful me rant.  Though I am going thru a difficult season, I am lacking nothing, I  have enough.  (...see, there's that word.) 



For the last two months I have been pretty much incapacitated compared to what living my normal life has been.  I experienced an unusual health situation that requires low stress and lots of rest, along with some medication that I have not always responded well to.  I am a self employed hairdresser, so no work equals no pay to me.  I have a small boutique business in with my salon that has a payroll to meet. This health event has happened during a time between seasons, too early for fall, too late for summer, therefore, sales have been low, made even more so by the absence of myself and the clientele that come in for appointments with me. 

I have been in the process of retiring from behind the chair because of my shoulders, but not having some amount of income from doing hair, the cash flow from our boutique and salon product sales has had to be enough. (...that word...)  Since I am not there doing hair at all, I am not selling anyone a hair product.

The bills began to come in from the ambulance company, the emergency room, the hospital bill, the ER medical doctor group, the cardiologist, the office visits at the clinic, the medicine...you get the idea?  There is MORE than enough of those bills appearing in my mailbox! 

My husband and I have lived a very simple yet comfortable life.  We have a simple home and a simple lifestyle, and very little debt.  What we have is ours and has been for a long time.  We don't have a lot, but we have enough. (that word...)

Our bank accounts are not huge but neither are they so small that we have to worry about whether our checks will clear. We have always had enough. (that word...)

I recall in our early years carrying a little calculator around the grocery store with me so that when I checked out I would be sure to have money enough for what I had in my cart.  I may have passed over some things or put some things back, but we always had good food on our table and plenty of it.  NOT just enough...an abundance.

I cultivated a habit back then of making cookies for my two boys myself.  I could make lots of cookies for the price of one small bag...a bag that would disappear in five minutes with two boys chomping away on them...well three if you count their daddy!! (...and he does love my cookies.) 

As I sit here remembering all the 'enough's, I thank my Father God again for always providing enough...He has met our need and even provided beyond what is truly need. 

Just as manna fell from heaven for the young nation of Israel in the wilderness, God has provided for my every need as it has arisen. 

The doctor bills are paid.
The rent is paid.
The taxes are paid.
The payroll has been met.

And my bank account is still in the black.

There has been enough. 

Rosanna-danna

Years ago I was a regular viewer of Saturday Night Live.  Back in those early days, the characters and skits were simply hilarious.  At least I thought so.  Lots of famous comediennes gained their fame from the characters they played on SNL.  Gilda Radner was one of those people, her career cut short by ovarian cancer. 

Rosannadanna was a commentator she portrayed in a news segment with Jane Curtin.  One of the lines she often repeated was "It just goes to show ya', if it's not one thing, it's another." 

And it sure is.

Why is it we can't learn to take every obstacle in stride, trusting God, moving forward at His command, waiting patiently and listening closely for our marching orders. 

In the book of Joshua, the story continues of the Israelite nation.  After 400 years in slavery in Egypt,  generations lost to wilderness wanderings, God had brought them to the land He promised their ancestor Abraham.  They had not had a home, they knew nothing about a permanent dwelling place, just the promises that must have seemed at times like pipe dreams or fairy tales. 

But here they were, the land was before them, and God said it was time.  The inhabitants of the land had been given all those many years to change their ways, turn from the horrible idolatry and it's practices. 

Rahab did.  She and her household were spared. But even after witnessing the waters of the Jordan opening for these people, even after the walls of Jericho fell flat, these clans of people refused to change their hearts.  And it brought destruction to every person. 

I think about what it would be like to be an Israelite in that time.  I feel quite sure my expectations would have been unmet.  I would not have expected so many battles to fight.

My expectations in my own life in this day are so often unmet.  I tend to have scenarios written out in my head.  (And God rarely accomplishes any single thing like I have written.  Imagine that...)

The Israelites won some major battles, well, God really won them.  The Jericho walls sure didn't fall from the force of human feet walking around the city.  One battle was won because God sent hailstones from heaven, "As they fled from before Israel... the LORD threw large stones from heaven on them...there were more who died from the hailstones than those whom the sons of Israel killed with the sword."(Joshua 10:11 NASB)

When the enemy retreated, God Himself destroyed those who had escaped the sword of an Israelite warrior. By controlling the forces of the very nature He created, He manipulated the weather and sent hailstones falling from the sky, stones big enough to kill.

But it wasn't over.  Victory was sweet, but there were many many other battles.  "If it's not one thing, it's another"

At 63 years old, it still is.  This morning in my quiet time I reflect on my own battles and victories.  Where would my family be had God not fought with us and for us? 

But how many times have I neglected to stand strong or march forward on His Word? 

I so often have felt like Joshua did in Joshua 7.  So many times I have felt  defeated and pitiful, going into a tailspin, falling on my face and whining. 

Joshua led the warriors into a battle only to be defeated in what he thought was a sure and easy win. 

"Then Joshua tore his clothes and fell to the earth on his face before the ark of the LORD until the evening, both he and the elders of Israel; and they put dust on their heads.

Joshua said, "Alas, O Lord GOD, why did You ever bring this people over the Jordan, only to deliver us into the hand of the Amorites, to destroy us?...the Canaanites and all the inhabitants of the land will hear of it, and they will surround us and cut off our name from the earth.

And what will You do for Your great name?" (Joshua 7:6-7 NASB)

Really Joshua?  What will God do for His great name in the face of human defeat? 

Poor Joshua.  I feel like he did.  It is's not one thing it's another.  Fight one long hard battle and taste sweet victory, only to live to face another battle.  And another.  And another. 

God has shown Himself to be merciful to our human emotions, he sent ravens with food to feed Elijah. (1 Kings 17)  Later, when Jezebel vowed to kill him, he hid and whined that "I am the only prophet left"  Jezebel had killed them all and was after Elijah.  God listened to the emotional outburst and sent Elisha alongside him.  (1 Kings 19)

God created us with emotions and I believe he understands them far better than we do.  He allows us to FEEL, but refuses to allow us to be LED only by what we feel.  Our emotions can NOT be the thermometer of our lives. 

He has written by Jeremiah's pen that   "The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out.   But I, GOD, search the heart and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human. I get to the root of things. I treat them as they really are, not as they pretend to be." (Jeremiah 17:9-10 from The Message)




God allowed Joshua to feel the emotions of defeat then "GOD said to Joshua, "Get up. Why are you groveling? (Joshua 7:10 from The Message)

"Get thee up; wherefore liest thou thus upon thy face?" (KJV)



If it's not one thing, it's another.  People do things they shouldn't do.  I do things I shouldn't do.  And it is never, EVER just about me.  My rebellioun touches you.  Your disobedience touches me.

Praise God for the Redeemer Who takes all of our 'things' and cleanses us from our rebellion, disobedience, failure, fear, and emotional tailspins. 

"Get thee up, Connie"

Preventative

I have been on some medication for a few months to prevent an ulcer from forming in my digestive track.  My cardiologist says he may want me on the heart medication he has prescribed long term, in case this Takotsubo cardiomyopathy reoccurs. Preventative measures they call it...strategies to prevent possible illness in my future. 


I have been reading about the battles that Joshua led as the Israelites began to take possession of the land God had promised to them.  It is unpleasant to read of the slaughtering of entire cities.  

God had given the inhabitants of that land hundreds of years to turn from hideous idolatry, idolatry that even involved sacrificing children to their gods. But there was no repentance, it just seemed to get worse. 

Genesis 15 tells of the promise made to Abraham, the predictions of 400 years in a land not their own, four generations later to return.  All those years, rather than turning to God, the hearts of these nations of people got harder and further from God.  

They could not say that God had not given them opportunities. There were plenty.  

I wonder if one of the reasons God had them all wiped out was a preventative measure. 

"...you shall hamstring their horses and burn their chariots with fire." (Joshua 11:6 NASB)

Hamstringing horses is unpleasant to think about too.  These animals were mighty beasts of war. And burning up perfectly good chariots??  Why?  

Maybe that too was preventative.  

They had been victorious in their conquests by God's supernatural power, not their own might.  
Yes.  They fought.  
Yes.  It was difficult. 
And yes.  There was victory.  

WHEN they followed God's instructions.  When they did not, they suffered defeat.  

If they had acquired horses and chariots, perhaps they would have put more trust in those
things than in God.  Perhaps if they had chosen to let people live, those people would have influenced them in negative ways.  

Speculation.  The fact is simply, God said. 

I am assured my own personal victory.  Jesus has fought a gruesome battle and won it for me.  He has provided a permanent prevention for me, preventing me from being eternally separated from my Father God.  

Hallelujah.  

Shame

Shame on you!

Ever had anyone say that to you?  I am guilty.  I have heard it, but worse, I have said it.

Shame is a heavy thing.  The question is what do we do with it?  Do we let it drive us to confession and repentance, or do we run, hide, deny, blame, make excuses, and rebel?

There was no shame in the beginning.  "... the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed." (Genesis 2:25 NASB)  Only after they acquired a knowledge of evil did they know their nakedness had a capacity for sin and shame.  Before their knowledge of evil, there was no shame in ANYthing.

We all know it now. "'Lo, this only I have found, that God has made man upright, but they have sought out any inventions.' (Ecclesiastes 7:29 KJV)  There is plenty evil, and humans keep inventing new ways of manifesting it.

Yep.  I am guilty of saying "Shame on you." and I am guilty of lots of other things.  But praise God that feeling of shame drives me to Jesus.  Try as I might, I still drop the ball and fall into wrong thinking, wrong actions, wrong attitudes, and worse...wrong speech.

"A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it!

It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire.  A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that.

By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell.

This is scary: You can tame a tiger,  but you can't tame a tongue—it's never been done..." (James 3:5-8 from The Message)

I am guilty of that too.

And every time I feel the conviction of the Holy Spirit concerning my guilt, rather than just feel shame, I purpose my heart to confess the ugliness within, repent and again turn my heart to follow Him as "...the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses me from all sin..' (1 John 1:7 NASB personalized by me)

I continue to be a work in progress, regretting that I so easily fail Him, but secure in His love and mercy, not drowning in the shame of all my failures.

Hallelujah.

Position

I am prone to get on my soapbox and blab about folks who won't work.  I especially rant about those who won't take a job because it isn't the job they 'want'.  "Some folks want a position, not a job." I can be quoted as saying.

When the Hebrew people were preparing to cross into the Promised Land they had heard about literally all their lives, they were given specific instructions about following the ark.

"When you see the ark of the covenant of Jehovah your God, and the priests the Levites bearing it, then you shall move from your place and go after it.  Yet keep a space between you and it, about two thousand cubits by measure. Do not come near it, so that you may know the way by which you must go. For you have not passed this way before now." (Joshua 3: 3-4 MKJV)

That was NOT the position I would want to take.  I would be like those shoppers on Black Friday trying to get in the very front!  Certainly, not in the multitude of people hanging back 1000 yards!  But, if they had crowded around the small ark of the covenant, everyone could not have seen to follow.  If would have surely been like the crowd on Black Friday!  (I experienced that crowd only one time...haven't been back!)

Position can be critical can't it?  We all want to be first, up front, important...whether we openly admit it or not.  Nobody enjoys being pushed to the rear, swept aside, ignored.  We want to at least be acknowledged, certainly not intentionally disregarded.

I have very little competitive nature.  If you want something enough to compete with me for it, most likely I will let you have it.  I don't really want to be the star of the show, or singled out for a lot of recognition.  I am uncomfortable with all of that.  But I do want to be acknowledged.  Don't you? 

Read thru Hebrews chapter 11.  It is often called the Hall of Faith chapter, naming names and recognizing faith.  But if you do some character study, not one of those mentioned  was without flaws.  Lots of them.  Big ones.  None of them earned or deserved a position in scripture by living a perfect life. 

My position in Christ has absolutely nothing to do with my behavior, (and everything to do with HIS.)

The first part of the book of Hebrews teaches us that Christ Jesus' position is superior to any other. And because of His perfect sinless life, and His sacrificial death, my position is altared eternally.

Not because I am religious. (legal jargon...)
Not because I am a good person. (good?....you just might not see all of what is me...)
Not because I don't do a lot of sinning. (ridiculous logic..)
Not because I do good things. (very few really...)
Not because I belong to the right church. (right?...can't be a wrong one since there IS only one...regardless of what your sign says, HE decides who is included. He either added you or He did not.  And He is the ONLY one who can!)

My position in Christ is simply by His grace in placing me within His family.  No waiting in line for my turn.  No getting knocked out of the possibility or opportunity  No cleaning myself up first.  Not eliminating the bad and cultivating some good. Just. As. I. Am. 

I am so very undeserving.


"To You, O LORD, I called, And to the Lord I made supplication....

"Hear, O LORD, and be gracious to me; O LORD, be my helper." 

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness,   That my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to You forever. (Psalm 30:8-12 NASB)


I am not a super-star child of God.  But I am special enough that He made an awful sacrifice for my benefit.

There is a LOT that I am NOT.  But my position is sealed and secure because of that sacrifice. 

Hallelujah. 

Last_______?_________

My mind wanders today to the thousands of those I do not know, those who fill in the blank with so many things.

Their last normal day.
The last time Daddy came home from work. Maybe overly tired and grouchy, and you thought he was awful.
The last time Mom came home sharing about her day, and you weren't interested.
The last time you made plans for after work, and actually got to do what you planned.
The last time.  A million memories of that last day.

My heart hurts, and I pray for God's peace and comfort to those whose heart hurts more than I can fathom.

What would they change?

Suffering

Doesn't it just drive you crazy to see others doing things they shouldn't?  With age and experience those instances seem to have increased.  We see people we care about making wrong choices, exhibiting wrong attitudes, being rebellious or disobedient to what God has said...and we can't do a single thing about it.  

Ever see the movie Bruce Almighty?  There is a scene where Bruce asks God how to make someone love him.  You can't.

It's one of those movies that caused a lot of controversy, but watched with the knowledge that it is simply fiction, it causes some thinking.  Or it did for me anyway. 

How do you get people to love and be obedient to God? How do you make people see how trustworthy He is, that what He says do or do NOT do, is ALWAYS for a very good reason.  It is always for our ultimate good. sigh...

"I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death..." (Phillipians 3:10 NIV) 

The first half of that verse is so encouraging. To know Christ and come to know His power to resurrect and restore is wonderful.

The word resurrection in the original language has to do with a standing up again, raised to life, rise from the dead, recovery.   I want that don't you?  I want to recover from every heartache, every hard season of life, and I sure want death to not be the finality for me.  (And praise God, that matter is settled!) 

Resurrection from this earthly life is settled for me.  The very familiar John 3:16 and dozens more scriptures gives me a personal assurance of that. But what about this suffering? 

We can't enjoy the power without also participating in the suffering.  I know the power He has exercised in my life personally.  I know the differences He has made.  I have witnessed the life changes in not only myself, but others.  And I also know the suffering and heartsickness of seeing Him rejected and disobeyed.  

I have not been called to suffer my physical life being threatened.  I have not been beaten or put in a cell.  But it is also suffering to witness people struggling against the pricks of His Spirit, rebelling against a love that is beyond human capacity, continuing to chart their own path, demanding their own way regardless of whether God has even been consulted much less followed. 

Oh how it must hurt the heart of God to see our continued disregard. If it hurts my heart this much to see what I see, how heavy that suffering is to see the disregard and disobedience of the entire human race!

Me included.  

Training

I have never done weight training. But I have two sons who, at times have done it extensively.  I work with gals who have trainers who help them and encourage them as they tone and build muscles, become stronger and leaner

I have never done much of it in a physical sense, but I have sure done a lot in the spiritual sense.

In scripture, we are taught about strength.  In his second letter to Timothy, Paul encouraged young Timothy to "...be strong...endure..compete lawfully...study..." (2 Timothy chapter 2)

I applaud physical health and physical strength, yet our bodies are not our own. "...didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you.  God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body." (1 Corinthians 6:19-20 from The Message)

It matters that we are strong.  Lifting an increasingly heavy weight builds muscle. 

In the same way, enduring trials and the difficulties of life in the strength that our Creator provides in His Holy Spirit  builds spiritual stamina and faith muscles. 

I will be the first to tell you that I am physically weak.  Very weak.  I have never tried to be physically strong. If it is heavy, I don't even try to lift it.  I quit.  I call someone stronger than me to do it. That doesn't make me lazy, or irresponsible. 

In the same way, when I face a heavy and difficult life situation, I call Someone stronger than me.  In no way does that diminish my worth or value. 

The goal of my life is to face each heavy moment in victory, and I simply can not do that without some seriously strong help. 

Those who want strong muscles do the work. They sweat, grunt and groan with increasing repetition.

They follow the training, challenged and encouraged to persevere. If results are desired, then sacrifices must be made in order for those results to manifest.

I don't have a lot of desire to be physically strong.  But oh how I want to be strong in the undeserved love and grace of God! 

I am thankful to know His love more than before, but I believe scripture's teaching that His love is beyond my comprehension.  I will never know it fully on this side of eternity.

Yet, I purpose myself today to try.

Kicking

"...it is hard for you to kick against the pricks" (Acts 9:5 KJV).

Saul heard those words spoken from a blinding light straight out of the heavens.  He was traveling down a road, doing what he thought he should be doing, and God spoke.

I don't think this was the first time God had spoken to Saul.  Perhaps there were whispers before, nudges, maybe even harder.  Whatever it was, Saul kicked back. The man we know as Paul the apostle apparently kicked against the pricks of the Holy Spirit.

Jesus had intentions for Saul's life and Saul had intentions of eliminating all who followed Jesus.

Personally, I believe Paul was thoroughly convinced he was doing the right thing.  He was a Jew's Jew, educated by the best, and single minded about his obedience to the law he knew so well.

But he was wrong.

And God corrected him.

How many times had God tried to get his attention before that blinding light experience? Maybe none....scripture doesn't tell us, it just tells us that it was hard and pointless to rebel and refuse God's will.

I suppose Paul could still have refused obedience and submission.  But after losing his sight, hearing a voice nobody else heard, and given instructions of where to go and who to see, Paul came face to face with His Savior, and face to face with his own error. He was wrong.

I have never had a blinding light experience.  I have not heard a voice speak from the sky. But I have kicked against the pricks.  There have been many times that I felt that nudge, or heard that whisper in my heart, and just kicked it away.

Regret eventually comes.  Hindsight reveals how disobedient I was being to the God Who only wants to lead me in the right direction.

I remember a very old joke about someone complaining to a doctor about it hurting when they did a certain thing.  The doctor's prescribed treatment was to simply NOT do that.

When I am disobedient to God, it eventually hurts ME.  Whether it is that moment, that day, that week, or year, or whether it is on the other eternal side of this realm. My disobedience hurts me.

So, why don't I just "don't do that"?

I can answer that.  I don't do it because I am still learning that God is always right.  Whether I understand and agree, or whether I do not.

I purpose to stop kicking against the prick of His Holy Spirit.
I purpose to believe that what He directs is always, and ONLY, good.