I remember 10-16-76

It is one of those days.  A day for remembering. 

The weather today amplifies my sentimentality.  Forty-three years ago today it was cold and wet. 

I was twenty-one.  My small frame had bulged beyond anything I thought possible.  An added 48 pounds turned me into a barrel with legs and arms.  I looked like a cow.  A Jersey cow. 

I had not been sick the entire time.  I went to work every day.  In fact, I had worked this day those many years ago.  I got off mid-afternoon and went home to our trailer-house that sat beyond Kerry's parents home.   Kerry worked an odd shift, he went to work about the time I got off, so we had a few minutes in passing.  He went off in his uniform, I ate and went to bed. 

I woke from sleep thinking I was wetting the bed.  I had been a bedwetter growing up.  Awful awful thing...  I was horrified that I was doing it now, but I couldn't stop it.  I grabbed my housecoat and got to the bathroom.  The liquid had an odd smell and was slicky.  It dawned on me...this was not urine. 

I sat on the toilet trying to take it all in.  I had been in such a deep sleep it took a few minutes to fully wake up.  A glance at a clock told me it would not be long before Kerry was home.

We didn't have a phone, and there was no such thing as cellphones then.  So I sat there.  We had an ongoing joke.  Kerry would frequently ask if I was in labor yet?    When I heard him come into the house I called out "Guess what?" 

"I know...you're in labor."  Joking..

Yes.  My water has broken I think.

He didn't come right away, he was in the kitchen.  I had left a note for him telling him I didn't feed our dog that night because I couldn't find his bowl, he had drug it off somewhere, and there was the smell of a skunk outside, so I refused to go prowling around looking for it. 

After he read the note, he came down the hall to see me sitting on the toilet.  "I am serious this time."

He went across the yard and got his mother to come deal with the wet sheets and off to the hospital we went.  It was cold.  I had a brand new coat and I fretted about getting it wet.  But I couldn't stop the trickle.  A towel crammed between my legs seemed so crude, but you gotta do something!

Every time I woke with a pain, Kerry was sitting there, propped up in the windowsill, uniform, pistol, boots.  In those days, they made him leave every time they came in to check my progress.  He was insulted and wondered aloud if they thought he had never seen what they were looking at.  If you know Kerry, you can really appreciate that imagery.

If was a long night of pushing, but around nine o'clock the next morning, the doctor grabbed some forceps and pulled a 9 lb. 1.5 oz. baby boy from my body. 




There is so much I remember.  I make it my purpose to remember the details every year, I do not want to forget any of them. 

Tomorrow is the birthday of our first son. 
This is the day I began the birthing process. 


Tomorrow, I will remember again, a whole other set of memories. 

Enough 2

I continue to ponder over 'enough'.


A few months ago I attended a conference and listened to a speaker talk a lot about being 'enough.'  I am not criticizing her, she was a very encouraging woman.  I think it is important for us to stay encouraged.  I came away uplifted having had fellowship with other women and a time away from normal routine and surrounding.  During free time, I enjoyed solitude and time to just sit quietly at Jesus' feet and reflect on the topics and scriptures.  I did a lot of thinking about being 'enough'.

And I have done a lot more thinking about it in the past few days.

I have come to a conclusion.  I am not.  I simply am not enough.

And neither are you.  None of us are.  Not in and of ourselves.  We need Jesus, and we need each other.

I don't care how smart you are.
I don't care how much money you make.
I don't care how much willpower you have, or stamina, or determination, or how much 'want to' you have.
I don't care if you wash your face, wash your hands, wash your feet, and even your hair!  You can't get clean enough.  Ever.

You. Are. Not. Enough. 

But you are not without hope.  Jesus IS enough. 

Not religion.
Not rule keeping.
Not behavior modification.
Not self-help.
Not even professional help.

Jesus.  

“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing." (John 15:5, NLT)

Hallelujah.

Enough

For days I have found the word 'enough' popping up everywhere, in my reading, in my own conversation and comments, and in my mind and spirit.  Enough already...

Let me preface this entire post by saying this is NOT a poor pitiful me rant.  Though I am going thru a difficult season, I am lacking nothing, I  have enough.  (...see, there's that word.) 



For the last two months I have been pretty much incapacitated compared to what living my normal life has been.  I experienced an unusual health situation that requires low stress and lots of rest, along with some medication that I have not always responded well to.  I am a self employed hairdresser, so no work equals no pay to me.  I have a small boutique business in with my salon that has a payroll to meet. This health event has happened during a time between seasons, too early for fall, too late for summer, therefore, sales have been low, made even more so by the absence of myself and the clientele that come in for appointments with me. 

I have been in the process of retiring from behind the chair because of my shoulders, but not having some amount of income from doing hair, the cash flow from our boutique and salon product sales has had to be enough. (...that word...)  Since I am not there doing hair at all, I am not selling anyone a hair product.

The bills began to come in from the ambulance company, the emergency room, the hospital bill, the ER medical doctor group, the cardiologist, the office visits at the clinic, the medicine...you get the idea?  There is MORE than enough of those bills appearing in my mailbox! 

My husband and I have lived a very simple yet comfortable life.  We have a simple home and a simple lifestyle, and very little debt.  What we have is ours and has been for a long time.  We don't have a lot, but we have enough. (that word...)

Our bank accounts are not huge but neither are they so small that we have to worry about whether our checks will clear. We have always had enough. (that word...)

I recall in our early years carrying a little calculator around the grocery store with me so that when I checked out I would be sure to have money enough for what I had in my cart.  I may have passed over some things or put some things back, but we always had good food on our table and plenty of it.  NOT just enough...an abundance.

I cultivated a habit back then of making cookies for my two boys myself.  I could make lots of cookies for the price of one small bag...a bag that would disappear in five minutes with two boys chomping away on them...well three if you count their daddy!! (...and he does love my cookies.) 

As I sit here remembering all the 'enough's, I thank my Father God again for always providing enough...He has met our need and even provided beyond what is truly need. 

Just as manna fell from heaven for the young nation of Israel in the wilderness, God has provided for my every need as it has arisen. 

The doctor bills are paid.
The rent is paid.
The taxes are paid.
The payroll has been met.

And my bank account is still in the black.

There has been enough.