I sit tonight nursing a shoulder recuperating from a surgery 4 weeks ago. I am weary of talking about it. I am grouchy from the discomfort and from my life being interrupted. My routine has been drastically changed. My income is affected. I can’t lift my arm to do a simple thing like put the dishes in the cabinet.
I am strong, independent, self sufficient, hard working, and determined. I am ashamed because of my whining and impatience. My attitude stinks.
There isn’t a single thing I can do to change the condition of my body. Yes, I submitted to a surgeon’s knife. Yes, I do physical therapy. I believe those things to be necessary, yet they did not miraculously return the use of my arm.
I am struck tonight at how many lessons I have been given these past months. I had a new business to run, lots of demands on my time and money, and my arm fails. After a surgery and a short physical therapy, I was back to work. I had a few short months before the other arm began giving me the same warnings. For much of the past 18 months, I’ve dealt with this.
Whine, whine.
My sense of self preservation has been of little benefit. No matter that I put my ears back and dig in, my body is aging. Determination and will power won’t do it. A simple little bone spur shuts down my entire little independent self. The enemy makes sure to throw a few darts of fear. ‘What if….?”, he asks.
I know I should “…forget not all His benefits, Who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases..”(Ps. 103:3 NIV)
I know Jesus said “do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.” (Luke 12:22-23 NIV)
He challenges me to “Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?” (Luke 12:24-25 NIV)
Indeed. Who?
"Think about how the lilies grow. They don't work or make clothing. But here is what I tell you. Not even Solomon in all of his glory was dressed like one of those flowers. If that is how God dresses the wild grass, how much better will he dress you! After all, the grass is here only today. Tomorrow it is thrown into the fire. Your faith is so small!
"Don't spend time thinking about what you will eat or drink. Don't worry about it. People who are ungodly run after all of those things. Your Father knows that you need them. "But put God's kingdom first. Then those other things will also be given to you. (Luke 12:27-31 NIrV)
My ailment is so small, and I complain so big. Oh that my faith would be as big as my complaining lately.
I am healed.
My sin is removed as far as the east is from the west. That sin was my worse disease. That sin was what crippled me. That sin is what kept me from approaching God in sweet fellowship.
This arm thing is a nuisance that God will remove in His own time. Hallelujah.
