Walls

I am not a political person, I vote, I have opinions, but I don't get on soapboxes about them often.  Unless it has to do with Jesus, then watch out.

There is a lot of talk now about building walls.  It is not a new idea.  Not innovative at all.  I am studying in the book of Nehemiah this week, and Nehemiah was involved in the rebuilding of a wall.

The wall around Jerusalem had been destroyed when the city was conquered and the inhabitants killed or made slaves.  The political climate had changed by the time of Nehemiah's story, and he was given permission and help to rebuild what was torn down. 

I highly suggest reading the story and trying to find yourself in it.  You are there...because we all play a part. I could list a number of characters, but I will focus on a generality...Christians in general and the church...those who claim to be followers of Christ Jesus.

The wall was destroyed, and the people were rallied to clear away the rubble and rebuild.  Instead of focusing on the section in their immediate area, Nehemiah led them to rebuild all the way around, even though it wasn't a really tall wall, it was complete, the walls connecting to the gates, more walls connecting to the next gate, etc. etc. They could build it taller and wider after it was around the entire city and the gates in place.

Chapter 3 of Nehemiah tells of the different groups that built different sections of the wall.



I wonder, does the church work together like that?  We should. 

Have some of us left the walls fallen and in rubble? 

Have we neglected to do our part?  Or even worse, are some of us among the ones who ridiculed and were opposed to the rebuilding? 

Lord, help us to see where we need to be rebuilding and repairing, encouraging, sharing, and accomplishing what You have set before us.  Let us not make unholy compromises, let us not be divided but united and committed to repairing broken down walls in Your kingdom.

The Faithful Day #1

 I was able to get the study guide book today.  As I read thru day #1, there is a question:  What expectations do you think believers have of how God reveals Himself? 

I read right on by that...then seemed to be drawn back to chew on it a little. 

How do you expect God to show up in your life? 

Sisters, I wonder if we don't depend too much on our feelings.  We gals are an emotional bunch, and we mothers want to kiss everything and make it better.  Anybody else a 'fixer' other than me? 

Paul admonishes us, with the Ephesians, to have the EYES of our hearts enlightened. 

Our hearts are a seat of emotion,  "The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out.   But I, GOD, search the heart and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human. I get to the root of things. I treat them as they really are, not as they pretend to be." (Jeremiah 17:9-10 from The Message).

If we just go on what we 'feel' then we have left ourselves open for deception by the enemy.  Our hearts must have its EYES enlightened so that we will KNOW His calling and KNOW His power, not just 'feel' it. 

I often refer to a place I have...  My 'knowing place'. 

The most intense time of knowing something in my knowing place was when Jett's little body lay on a bed in St. Michael hospital bloody from a gunshot wound.  My emotions did not serve me well, I felt devastated.  But somewhere along the way, the eyes of my heart were enlightened enough that I did not just depend on my feelings, I went to that knowing place...and called for the "...surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe." (Ephesians 1:19 NASB)


Reading and mulling over Gideon's encounter with the theophany that came to him as he threshed wheat, I wonder how long the angel of the Lord had been there.  All the time, I think.  Every moment.  But the eyes of Gideon's heart saw only his circumstances, and he was overwhelmed with his feelings. 

But God made sure Gideon was aware of His Presence.  The angel came, vs.11, then sat, vs. 11, then
appeared to Gideon, vs. 12. 

There is always the Presence of God with us, if we are born again believers, we have the assurance of the Holy Spirit of God.  On days when toddlers are hurt, and on mundane days when we sit at a computer with a dog in the chair next to us......He is with me. 

I purpose that I don't depend on feelings, but on the truth of what He has SAID.  I purpose myself to look for Him with the eyes of my heart wide open, in the ordinary moments of my life.  Moments that He can make EXTRA-ordinary! 

At this stage of life, I have learned from unpleasant experience that God seldom does what I expect. I don't need fanfare, bells and whistles, or any other kind of hoopla.  He is watching me, (and you), just like He watched Gideon. 

Let's expect it, shall we?

The Faithful #1

I don't have the book for The Faithful Bible study, I had intended to go by Lifeway and pick one up, but was not feeling like a trip to Texarkana last week.  I plan to go tomorrow after we get out of BSF and get one. 

In case you don't know, I experienced an episode with my heart on August 14th.  Takotsubo Cardiomyopothy, also commonly called Broken Heart Syndrome.  It is a relatively new condition, discovered in 1990, so there is not a lot they know about it.  My instructions from the cardiologist, after a consult with the Cleveland Cardiac Clinic, was to go home, eliminate all stress, and do no work.  Do nothing that will work my heart, and remove all sources of stress while my heart heals.

I will let you know if I ever figure out how to do that. HA! 

So, I have been mostly at home for the last couple months.  Many of those days I didn't feel well enough to be anywhere else.  I spent 4 days in the hospital, only to come home and spend many more days hidden away in my quiet bedroom. 

I have always had a tendency to hide away.  Not just when physical things are wrong, but when anything was pressing on my mind, I seem to shut down and hide away until solutions come. 

As I watched this video teaching, over and over she said the words 'heart' and 'broken heart'.  I wish I had counted them.  She painted a word picture of Gideon, just trying to get the job done without any conflict or opposition.  Threshing away at what would sustain life. 

Oh how I identify. 

I don't like conflict.  Like Gideon, I will quietly place myself in the background and continue to do what I am SUPPOSED to do.  In my experience, as Gideon's was, God has found me there anyway, and has found a purpose for me to fulfill.  I have often prayed, "Lord use me for Your glory and purpose", only to reply "OH!  NOT THAT!" to an opportunity and call He gives. 

It seems my writing appeals to some folks.  I journaled for a long time before become internet saavy, then I switched to blogging, and then along came social media.  So here I am this morning, sitting with a computer, a Bible, and my brother Gideon.....looking at my situation.

I am hidden away much of the time, but here I sit, sharing my thoughts about Gideon in even a new way in this group online study.  There is MUCH evil on the internet, social media is used for MANY ungodly and unChristlike things, but this is certainly not one of them. 

Sisters, my crisis of health has certainly not been powerful enough to place me out of the reach of God, not beyond fulfilling the purposes He has given for my life.

My crisis of health positions me this morning in a quiet house, with time to read and open my spiritual ears, EXPECTING God to speak to my situation thru Gideon's story.

I have learned that my work as a hairdresser has always been about much much more than a hair-do.  I hope I have served God's purposes in the days I spent behind that chair, not just 'threshing wheat' so I could pay for bread at the grocery store. 

My broken heart will heal, and hopefully I can return to regular routines.  If not, I will trust Him to lead me thru it, just as He did with Gideon....when Gideon was just quietly beating away at that wheat, just trying to survive. 

But we are MORE than just survivors, we are mighty warriors, conquerors!  Rom 8:37 clearly tell us, ".. in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us."



I confess, I have a pity party sometimes. 

I wish I could stay as positive as Paul.  I wish I could always say "I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love." (Romans 8:38-39 from The Message)

It is times when I hide away in the winepress, flailing away at my own stalk of wheat, that God will faithfully find me and say "I see.  I hear.  I know.  I understand better than even you do. I know it's not fun.  I know it's hard.  But it's not all JUST about you, Connie." 

It wasn't just about Gideon either.  God used Gideon to change a nation.  Gideon probably never knew while he was alive, all that God would do.  I might look him up in heaven and thank him for being used by God to encourage this old broken hearted hairdresser this morning.

I remember 10-16-76

It is one of those days.  A day for remembering. 

The weather today amplifies my sentimentality.  Forty-three years ago today it was cold and wet. 

I was twenty-one.  My small frame had bulged beyond anything I thought possible.  An added 48 pounds turned me into a barrel with legs and arms.  I looked like a cow.  A Jersey cow. 

I had not been sick the entire time.  I went to work every day.  In fact, I had worked this day those many years ago.  I got off mid-afternoon and went home to our trailer-house that sat beyond Kerry's parents home.   Kerry worked an odd shift, he went to work about the time I got off, so we had a few minutes in passing.  He went off in his uniform, I ate and went to bed. 

I woke from sleep thinking I was wetting the bed.  I had been a bedwetter growing up.  Awful awful thing...  I was horrified that I was doing it now, but I couldn't stop it.  I grabbed my housecoat and got to the bathroom.  The liquid had an odd smell and was slicky.  It dawned on me...this was not urine. 

I sat on the toilet trying to take it all in.  I had been in such a deep sleep it took a few minutes to fully wake up.  A glance at a clock told me it would not be long before Kerry was home.

We didn't have a phone, and there was no such thing as cellphones then.  So I sat there.  We had an ongoing joke.  Kerry would frequently ask if I was in labor yet?    When I heard him come into the house I called out "Guess what?" 

"I know...you're in labor."  Joking..

Yes.  My water has broken I think.

He didn't come right away, he was in the kitchen.  I had left a note for him telling him I didn't feed our dog that night because I couldn't find his bowl, he had drug it off somewhere, and there was the smell of a skunk outside, so I refused to go prowling around looking for it. 

After he read the note, he came down the hall to see me sitting on the toilet.  "I am serious this time."

He went across the yard and got his mother to come deal with the wet sheets and off to the hospital we went.  It was cold.  I had a brand new coat and I fretted about getting it wet.  But I couldn't stop the trickle.  A towel crammed between my legs seemed so crude, but you gotta do something!

Every time I woke with a pain, Kerry was sitting there, propped up in the windowsill, uniform, pistol, boots.  In those days, they made him leave every time they came in to check my progress.  He was insulted and wondered aloud if they thought he had never seen what they were looking at.  If you know Kerry, you can really appreciate that imagery.

If was a long night of pushing, but around nine o'clock the next morning, the doctor grabbed some forceps and pulled a 9 lb. 1.5 oz. baby boy from my body. 




There is so much I remember.  I make it my purpose to remember the details every year, I do not want to forget any of them. 

Tomorrow is the birthday of our first son. 
This is the day I began the birthing process. 


Tomorrow, I will remember again, a whole other set of memories. 

Enough 2

I continue to ponder over 'enough'.


A few months ago I attended a conference and listened to a speaker talk a lot about being 'enough.'  I am not criticizing her, she was a very encouraging woman.  I think it is important for us to stay encouraged.  I came away uplifted having had fellowship with other women and a time away from normal routine and surrounding.  During free time, I enjoyed solitude and time to just sit quietly at Jesus' feet and reflect on the topics and scriptures.  I did a lot of thinking about being 'enough'.

And I have done a lot more thinking about it in the past few days.

I have come to a conclusion.  I am not.  I simply am not enough.

And neither are you.  None of us are.  Not in and of ourselves.  We need Jesus, and we need each other.

I don't care how smart you are.
I don't care how much money you make.
I don't care how much willpower you have, or stamina, or determination, or how much 'want to' you have.
I don't care if you wash your face, wash your hands, wash your feet, and even your hair!  You can't get clean enough.  Ever.

You. Are. Not. Enough. 

But you are not without hope.  Jesus IS enough. 

Not religion.
Not rule keeping.
Not behavior modification.
Not self-help.
Not even professional help.

Jesus.  

“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing." (John 15:5, NLT)

Hallelujah.

Enough

For days I have found the word 'enough' popping up everywhere, in my reading, in my own conversation and comments, and in my mind and spirit.  Enough already...

Let me preface this entire post by saying this is NOT a poor pitiful me rant.  Though I am going thru a difficult season, I am lacking nothing, I  have enough.  (...see, there's that word.) 



For the last two months I have been pretty much incapacitated compared to what living my normal life has been.  I experienced an unusual health situation that requires low stress and lots of rest, along with some medication that I have not always responded well to.  I am a self employed hairdresser, so no work equals no pay to me.  I have a small boutique business in with my salon that has a payroll to meet. This health event has happened during a time between seasons, too early for fall, too late for summer, therefore, sales have been low, made even more so by the absence of myself and the clientele that come in for appointments with me. 

I have been in the process of retiring from behind the chair because of my shoulders, but not having some amount of income from doing hair, the cash flow from our boutique and salon product sales has had to be enough. (...that word...)  Since I am not there doing hair at all, I am not selling anyone a hair product.

The bills began to come in from the ambulance company, the emergency room, the hospital bill, the ER medical doctor group, the cardiologist, the office visits at the clinic, the medicine...you get the idea?  There is MORE than enough of those bills appearing in my mailbox! 

My husband and I have lived a very simple yet comfortable life.  We have a simple home and a simple lifestyle, and very little debt.  What we have is ours and has been for a long time.  We don't have a lot, but we have enough. (that word...)

Our bank accounts are not huge but neither are they so small that we have to worry about whether our checks will clear. We have always had enough. (that word...)

I recall in our early years carrying a little calculator around the grocery store with me so that when I checked out I would be sure to have money enough for what I had in my cart.  I may have passed over some things or put some things back, but we always had good food on our table and plenty of it.  NOT just enough...an abundance.

I cultivated a habit back then of making cookies for my two boys myself.  I could make lots of cookies for the price of one small bag...a bag that would disappear in five minutes with two boys chomping away on them...well three if you count their daddy!! (...and he does love my cookies.) 

As I sit here remembering all the 'enough's, I thank my Father God again for always providing enough...He has met our need and even provided beyond what is truly need. 

Just as manna fell from heaven for the young nation of Israel in the wilderness, God has provided for my every need as it has arisen. 

The doctor bills are paid.
The rent is paid.
The taxes are paid.
The payroll has been met.

And my bank account is still in the black.

There has been enough. 

Rosanna-danna

Years ago I was a regular viewer of Saturday Night Live.  Back in those early days, the characters and skits were simply hilarious.  At least I thought so.  Lots of famous comediennes gained their fame from the characters they played on SNL.  Gilda Radner was one of those people, her career cut short by ovarian cancer. 

Rosannadanna was a commentator she portrayed in a news segment with Jane Curtin.  One of the lines she often repeated was "It just goes to show ya', if it's not one thing, it's another." 

And it sure is.

Why is it we can't learn to take every obstacle in stride, trusting God, moving forward at His command, waiting patiently and listening closely for our marching orders. 

In the book of Joshua, the story continues of the Israelite nation.  After 400 years in slavery in Egypt,  generations lost to wilderness wanderings, God had brought them to the land He promised their ancestor Abraham.  They had not had a home, they knew nothing about a permanent dwelling place, just the promises that must have seemed at times like pipe dreams or fairy tales. 

But here they were, the land was before them, and God said it was time.  The inhabitants of the land had been given all those many years to change their ways, turn from the horrible idolatry and it's practices. 

Rahab did.  She and her household were spared. But even after witnessing the waters of the Jordan opening for these people, even after the walls of Jericho fell flat, these clans of people refused to change their hearts.  And it brought destruction to every person. 

I think about what it would be like to be an Israelite in that time.  I feel quite sure my expectations would have been unmet.  I would not have expected so many battles to fight.

My expectations in my own life in this day are so often unmet.  I tend to have scenarios written out in my head.  (And God rarely accomplishes any single thing like I have written.  Imagine that...)

The Israelites won some major battles, well, God really won them.  The Jericho walls sure didn't fall from the force of human feet walking around the city.  One battle was won because God sent hailstones from heaven, "As they fled from before Israel... the LORD threw large stones from heaven on them...there were more who died from the hailstones than those whom the sons of Israel killed with the sword."(Joshua 10:11 NASB)

When the enemy retreated, God Himself destroyed those who had escaped the sword of an Israelite warrior. By controlling the forces of the very nature He created, He manipulated the weather and sent hailstones falling from the sky, stones big enough to kill.

But it wasn't over.  Victory was sweet, but there were many many other battles.  "If it's not one thing, it's another"

At 63 years old, it still is.  This morning in my quiet time I reflect on my own battles and victories.  Where would my family be had God not fought with us and for us? 

But how many times have I neglected to stand strong or march forward on His Word? 

I so often have felt like Joshua did in Joshua 7.  So many times I have felt  defeated and pitiful, going into a tailspin, falling on my face and whining. 

Joshua led the warriors into a battle only to be defeated in what he thought was a sure and easy win. 

"Then Joshua tore his clothes and fell to the earth on his face before the ark of the LORD until the evening, both he and the elders of Israel; and they put dust on their heads.

Joshua said, "Alas, O Lord GOD, why did You ever bring this people over the Jordan, only to deliver us into the hand of the Amorites, to destroy us?...the Canaanites and all the inhabitants of the land will hear of it, and they will surround us and cut off our name from the earth.

And what will You do for Your great name?" (Joshua 7:6-7 NASB)

Really Joshua?  What will God do for His great name in the face of human defeat? 

Poor Joshua.  I feel like he did.  It is's not one thing it's another.  Fight one long hard battle and taste sweet victory, only to live to face another battle.  And another.  And another. 

God has shown Himself to be merciful to our human emotions, he sent ravens with food to feed Elijah. (1 Kings 17)  Later, when Jezebel vowed to kill him, he hid and whined that "I am the only prophet left"  Jezebel had killed them all and was after Elijah.  God listened to the emotional outburst and sent Elisha alongside him.  (1 Kings 19)

God created us with emotions and I believe he understands them far better than we do.  He allows us to FEEL, but refuses to allow us to be LED only by what we feel.  Our emotions can NOT be the thermometer of our lives. 

He has written by Jeremiah's pen that   "The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out.   But I, GOD, search the heart and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human. I get to the root of things. I treat them as they really are, not as they pretend to be." (Jeremiah 17:9-10 from The Message)




God allowed Joshua to feel the emotions of defeat then "GOD said to Joshua, "Get up. Why are you groveling? (Joshua 7:10 from The Message)

"Get thee up; wherefore liest thou thus upon thy face?" (KJV)



If it's not one thing, it's another.  People do things they shouldn't do.  I do things I shouldn't do.  And it is never, EVER just about me.  My rebellioun touches you.  Your disobedience touches me.

Praise God for the Redeemer Who takes all of our 'things' and cleanses us from our rebellion, disobedience, failure, fear, and emotional tailspins. 

"Get thee up, Connie"

Preventative

I have been on some medication for a few months to prevent an ulcer from forming in my digestive track.  My cardiologist says he may want me on the heart medication he has prescribed long term, in case this Takotsubo cardiomyopathy reoccurs. Preventative measures they call it...strategies to prevent possible illness in my future. 


I have been reading about the battles that Joshua led as the Israelites began to take possession of the land God had promised to them.  It is unpleasant to read of the slaughtering of entire cities.  

God had given the inhabitants of that land hundreds of years to turn from hideous idolatry, idolatry that even involved sacrificing children to their gods. But there was no repentance, it just seemed to get worse. 

Genesis 15 tells of the promise made to Abraham, the predictions of 400 years in a land not their own, four generations later to return.  All those years, rather than turning to God, the hearts of these nations of people got harder and further from God.  

They could not say that God had not given them opportunities. There were plenty.  

I wonder if one of the reasons God had them all wiped out was a preventative measure. 

"...you shall hamstring their horses and burn their chariots with fire." (Joshua 11:6 NASB)

Hamstringing horses is unpleasant to think about too.  These animals were mighty beasts of war. And burning up perfectly good chariots??  Why?  

Maybe that too was preventative.  

They had been victorious in their conquests by God's supernatural power, not their own might.  
Yes.  They fought.  
Yes.  It was difficult. 
And yes.  There was victory.  

WHEN they followed God's instructions.  When they did not, they suffered defeat.  

If they had acquired horses and chariots, perhaps they would have put more trust in those
things than in God.  Perhaps if they had chosen to let people live, those people would have influenced them in negative ways.  

Speculation.  The fact is simply, God said. 

I am assured my own personal victory.  Jesus has fought a gruesome battle and won it for me.  He has provided a permanent prevention for me, preventing me from being eternally separated from my Father God.  

Hallelujah.  

Shame

Shame on you!

Ever had anyone say that to you?  I am guilty.  I have heard it, but worse, I have said it.

Shame is a heavy thing.  The question is what do we do with it?  Do we let it drive us to confession and repentance, or do we run, hide, deny, blame, make excuses, and rebel?

There was no shame in the beginning.  "... the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed." (Genesis 2:25 NASB)  Only after they acquired a knowledge of evil did they know their nakedness had a capacity for sin and shame.  Before their knowledge of evil, there was no shame in ANYthing.

We all know it now. "'Lo, this only I have found, that God has made man upright, but they have sought out any inventions.' (Ecclesiastes 7:29 KJV)  There is plenty evil, and humans keep inventing new ways of manifesting it.

Yep.  I am guilty of saying "Shame on you." and I am guilty of lots of other things.  But praise God that feeling of shame drives me to Jesus.  Try as I might, I still drop the ball and fall into wrong thinking, wrong actions, wrong attitudes, and worse...wrong speech.

"A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it!

It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire.  A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that.

By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell.

This is scary: You can tame a tiger,  but you can't tame a tongue—it's never been done..." (James 3:5-8 from The Message)

I am guilty of that too.

And every time I feel the conviction of the Holy Spirit concerning my guilt, rather than just feel shame, I purpose my heart to confess the ugliness within, repent and again turn my heart to follow Him as "...the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses me from all sin..' (1 John 1:7 NASB personalized by me)

I continue to be a work in progress, regretting that I so easily fail Him, but secure in His love and mercy, not drowning in the shame of all my failures.

Hallelujah.

Position

I am prone to get on my soapbox and blab about folks who won't work.  I especially rant about those who won't take a job because it isn't the job they 'want'.  "Some folks want a position, not a job." I can be quoted as saying.

When the Hebrew people were preparing to cross into the Promised Land they had heard about literally all their lives, they were given specific instructions about following the ark.

"When you see the ark of the covenant of Jehovah your God, and the priests the Levites bearing it, then you shall move from your place and go after it.  Yet keep a space between you and it, about two thousand cubits by measure. Do not come near it, so that you may know the way by which you must go. For you have not passed this way before now." (Joshua 3: 3-4 MKJV)

That was NOT the position I would want to take.  I would be like those shoppers on Black Friday trying to get in the very front!  Certainly, not in the multitude of people hanging back 1000 yards!  But, if they had crowded around the small ark of the covenant, everyone could not have seen to follow.  If would have surely been like the crowd on Black Friday!  (I experienced that crowd only one time...haven't been back!)

Position can be critical can't it?  We all want to be first, up front, important...whether we openly admit it or not.  Nobody enjoys being pushed to the rear, swept aside, ignored.  We want to at least be acknowledged, certainly not intentionally disregarded.

I have very little competitive nature.  If you want something enough to compete with me for it, most likely I will let you have it.  I don't really want to be the star of the show, or singled out for a lot of recognition.  I am uncomfortable with all of that.  But I do want to be acknowledged.  Don't you? 

Read thru Hebrews chapter 11.  It is often called the Hall of Faith chapter, naming names and recognizing faith.  But if you do some character study, not one of those mentioned  was without flaws.  Lots of them.  Big ones.  None of them earned or deserved a position in scripture by living a perfect life. 

My position in Christ has absolutely nothing to do with my behavior, (and everything to do with HIS.)

The first part of the book of Hebrews teaches us that Christ Jesus' position is superior to any other. And because of His perfect sinless life, and His sacrificial death, my position is altared eternally.

Not because I am religious. (legal jargon...)
Not because I am a good person. (good?....you just might not see all of what is me...)
Not because I don't do a lot of sinning. (ridiculous logic..)
Not because I do good things. (very few really...)
Not because I belong to the right church. (right?...can't be a wrong one since there IS only one...regardless of what your sign says, HE decides who is included. He either added you or He did not.  And He is the ONLY one who can!)

My position in Christ is simply by His grace in placing me within His family.  No waiting in line for my turn.  No getting knocked out of the possibility or opportunity  No cleaning myself up first.  Not eliminating the bad and cultivating some good. Just. As. I. Am. 

I am so very undeserving.


"To You, O LORD, I called, And to the Lord I made supplication....

"Hear, O LORD, and be gracious to me; O LORD, be my helper." 

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness,   That my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to You forever. (Psalm 30:8-12 NASB)


I am not a super-star child of God.  But I am special enough that He made an awful sacrifice for my benefit.

There is a LOT that I am NOT.  But my position is sealed and secure because of that sacrifice. 

Hallelujah. 

Last_______?_________

My mind wanders today to the thousands of those I do not know, those who fill in the blank with so many things.

Their last normal day.
The last time Daddy came home from work. Maybe overly tired and grouchy, and you thought he was awful.
The last time Mom came home sharing about her day, and you weren't interested.
The last time you made plans for after work, and actually got to do what you planned.
The last time.  A million memories of that last day.

My heart hurts, and I pray for God's peace and comfort to those whose heart hurts more than I can fathom.

What would they change?

Suffering

Doesn't it just drive you crazy to see others doing things they shouldn't?  With age and experience those instances seem to have increased.  We see people we care about making wrong choices, exhibiting wrong attitudes, being rebellious or disobedient to what God has said...and we can't do a single thing about it.  

Ever see the movie Bruce Almighty?  There is a scene where Bruce asks God how to make someone love him.  You can't.

It's one of those movies that caused a lot of controversy, but watched with the knowledge that it is simply fiction, it causes some thinking.  Or it did for me anyway. 

How do you get people to love and be obedient to God? How do you make people see how trustworthy He is, that what He says do or do NOT do, is ALWAYS for a very good reason.  It is always for our ultimate good. sigh...

"I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death..." (Phillipians 3:10 NIV) 

The first half of that verse is so encouraging. To know Christ and come to know His power to resurrect and restore is wonderful.

The word resurrection in the original language has to do with a standing up again, raised to life, rise from the dead, recovery.   I want that don't you?  I want to recover from every heartache, every hard season of life, and I sure want death to not be the finality for me.  (And praise God, that matter is settled!) 

Resurrection from this earthly life is settled for me.  The very familiar John 3:16 and dozens more scriptures gives me a personal assurance of that. But what about this suffering? 

We can't enjoy the power without also participating in the suffering.  I know the power He has exercised in my life personally.  I know the differences He has made.  I have witnessed the life changes in not only myself, but others.  And I also know the suffering and heartsickness of seeing Him rejected and disobeyed.  

I have not been called to suffer my physical life being threatened.  I have not been beaten or put in a cell.  But it is also suffering to witness people struggling against the pricks of His Spirit, rebelling against a love that is beyond human capacity, continuing to chart their own path, demanding their own way regardless of whether God has even been consulted much less followed. 

Oh how it must hurt the heart of God to see our continued disregard. If it hurts my heart this much to see what I see, how heavy that suffering is to see the disregard and disobedience of the entire human race!

Me included.  

Training

I have never done weight training. But I have two sons who, at times have done it extensively.  I work with gals who have trainers who help them and encourage them as they tone and build muscles, become stronger and leaner

I have never done much of it in a physical sense, but I have sure done a lot in the spiritual sense.

In scripture, we are taught about strength.  In his second letter to Timothy, Paul encouraged young Timothy to "...be strong...endure..compete lawfully...study..." (2 Timothy chapter 2)

I applaud physical health and physical strength, yet our bodies are not our own. "...didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you.  God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body." (1 Corinthians 6:19-20 from The Message)

It matters that we are strong.  Lifting an increasingly heavy weight builds muscle. 

In the same way, enduring trials and the difficulties of life in the strength that our Creator provides in His Holy Spirit  builds spiritual stamina and faith muscles. 

I will be the first to tell you that I am physically weak.  Very weak.  I have never tried to be physically strong. If it is heavy, I don't even try to lift it.  I quit.  I call someone stronger than me to do it. That doesn't make me lazy, or irresponsible. 

In the same way, when I face a heavy and difficult life situation, I call Someone stronger than me.  In no way does that diminish my worth or value. 

The goal of my life is to face each heavy moment in victory, and I simply can not do that without some seriously strong help. 

Those who want strong muscles do the work. They sweat, grunt and groan with increasing repetition.

They follow the training, challenged and encouraged to persevere. If results are desired, then sacrifices must be made in order for those results to manifest.

I don't have a lot of desire to be physically strong.  But oh how I want to be strong in the undeserved love and grace of God! 

I am thankful to know His love more than before, but I believe scripture's teaching that His love is beyond my comprehension.  I will never know it fully on this side of eternity.

Yet, I purpose myself today to try.

Kicking

"...it is hard for you to kick against the pricks" (Acts 9:5 KJV).

Saul heard those words spoken from a blinding light straight out of the heavens.  He was traveling down a road, doing what he thought he should be doing, and God spoke.

I don't think this was the first time God had spoken to Saul.  Perhaps there were whispers before, nudges, maybe even harder.  Whatever it was, Saul kicked back. The man we know as Paul the apostle apparently kicked against the pricks of the Holy Spirit.

Jesus had intentions for Saul's life and Saul had intentions of eliminating all who followed Jesus.

Personally, I believe Paul was thoroughly convinced he was doing the right thing.  He was a Jew's Jew, educated by the best, and single minded about his obedience to the law he knew so well.

But he was wrong.

And God corrected him.

How many times had God tried to get his attention before that blinding light experience? Maybe none....scripture doesn't tell us, it just tells us that it was hard and pointless to rebel and refuse God's will.

I suppose Paul could still have refused obedience and submission.  But after losing his sight, hearing a voice nobody else heard, and given instructions of where to go and who to see, Paul came face to face with His Savior, and face to face with his own error. He was wrong.

I have never had a blinding light experience.  I have not heard a voice speak from the sky. But I have kicked against the pricks.  There have been many times that I felt that nudge, or heard that whisper in my heart, and just kicked it away.

Regret eventually comes.  Hindsight reveals how disobedient I was being to the God Who only wants to lead me in the right direction.

I remember a very old joke about someone complaining to a doctor about it hurting when they did a certain thing.  The doctor's prescribed treatment was to simply NOT do that.

When I am disobedient to God, it eventually hurts ME.  Whether it is that moment, that day, that week, or year, or whether it is on the other eternal side of this realm. My disobedience hurts me.

So, why don't I just "don't do that"?

I can answer that.  I don't do it because I am still learning that God is always right.  Whether I understand and agree, or whether I do not.

I purpose to stop kicking against the prick of His Holy Spirit.
I purpose to believe that what He directs is always, and ONLY, good.

Help

Every single one of us needs help.  Often.

My man can't hold the board up and nail it at the same time, so he needs my help holding it.
My coworkers are called on to hold the door open as I bring in boxes and sacks of supplies.
My employees unpack freight and process merchandise because I am busy cutting hair.
My housekeeper dusts my furniture because I work 5-6 days a week.
My friends listen to my whining because I have to vent.

It is hard for me to ask for help. That devil's lie has been used so effectively for so many years that I easily fall back into listening.  "It's all up to you, Connie.  This is your responsibility, your fault.  You alone should be the one to fix it. You are weak and useless if you can't."

He is a liar.

Life gets hard.  We make poor decisions. Situations get hard.  Circumstances are difficult. And we need help.

"From my distress I called upon the Lord.  The Lord answered me and set me in a large place.  The Lord is for me.  I will not fear."  Psalm 118:5-6 NASB

God knows every detail, every need, every fear, every anxiety.  He waits for our call, willing to step in when we truly submit and surrender to His will and way.  He sends help.  Often in the most unexpected ways.  We may not even recognize that it IS His answer and help until we are well past the moment.

For that person who needs help this day, you can be sure that God is willing and more than able.  From your distress, will you ask Him to reveal the enemy attack for what it is?

Will you admit that try as you may, you can't do life without failing miserably?

Will you believe that God does love you, enough even to die for you?

Will you trust Him enough to wait for the large place He has for you?

Perhaps you are in that large place already.  Wherever you find yourself, you can be certain that God knows where you are and why.

Do not fear.

Wrong Side Out

I spend hours in front of a mirror.  A big one.  A really good one, clear and clean.  I am so accustomed to it, I rarely see my own reflection.

 Occasionally I notice something about what it reflects and wonder out loud why everyone let me walk around like that, hair poking straight up, tags still on my clothing, shirt on backwards or wrong side out.  (I'm sure I am the only one who has things like that happen to them...)

There was no excuse. The mirror would have shown me, I didn't know what I looked like because I didn't look.

God's law as revealed to us in scripture shows us what we look like.  Jesus personified what a perfect obedient life looks like. He also made it possible for us to escape the penalty for failing to live that perfect life.  (Praise His holy Name)

Failing to learn what God has revealed to us in scripture is like me not checking out my reflection.  Just because I don't look doesn't mean I don't have some flaw that needs to be addressed and dealt with. Not looking doesn't change the fact that my shirt is on wrong side out.

Not looking into God's holy scripture won't change my wrong side out life.  It WILL reveal just how flawed I am. "..:it was the law that showed me my sin.  I would never have known that coveting was wrong if the law had not said, "You must not covet."  (Romans 7:7 NLT)

God's grace, thru the life and death of Jesus Christ, makes it possible to turn my whole life right, not just point out the flaws.  And there are plenty of them!

Don't fail or neglect to look into His Word, check yourself out. Not looking doesn't change a thing.  Looking prayerfully and then obediently will change everything!

Trenches

I have been reading The Battle Plan for Prayer. It is a Bible study written from the movie War Room. Prayer is a topic that is always fresh, never completely learned because there is always more with God. He is infinite.

Trench warfare was used as an example. So, this is not an original thought with me, but I just had to put the book down and sit at Jesus feet a few minutes.

I find myself on the battle ground regularly, don't you? Some things are bigger than others, mountain-top times of victory are times of praise, but other times I find myself dug in, hiding in a trench, avoiding the enemy attack as best I can. Often, sadly, I just retreat into that trench instead of using that trench to pray.

It is a devil's deceitful lie that it is better to charge the enemy, that it is cowardly to dig into that trench. The liar and enemy of our souls screams "Face me you coward!" That devil tries to convince us that it's all up to us, that we should charge across that battleground else all is lost.

I think of the images I have seen of battles fought in centuries past, soldiers marching to the beat of a drum across an open field, shooting until a last man is standing. I have so often thought how senseless that was. Yet I find myself guilty of having done just that in some of my spiritual battles.

Those early armies finally turned away from that sort of battle tactic and dug themselves some trenches.

I purpose my heart to dig into the trench, knowing that God is beside me and He has defeated even death. I have armies of God that are unseen, fighting beside me, fighting with me and for me, even going before me...I will never know what will never touch me because of that truth.

I also purpose to listen closely for His direction. When it is time to stand and fight, I trust Him to make His command clear. Over and over I surrender not to the enemy, but to my Creator God. I submit over and over to my Savior Jesus, not to the screaming enemy.

There is a time to charge, a time to use weapons. But the weapons to use are not those of the world. (2 Cor. 10:4) We can squat down in the trench and wield the deadliest weapon of all.

God's Word. Because what He says simply IS.

I purpose to KNOW what He has said.
I purpose to fight in HIS strength and not my own.
I purpose to "...take every single thought I have and capture it, purposing to be obedient to Christ in every confrontation." ( 2 Cor. 10:5 my own paraphrase)

Hallelujah.

Location

In the age of cell phones, we all know what location services are.  If we turn the location service off then other people don't see where we are and our applications don't fully work, I can't map my way if my map application can't tell where to start from. 

God asked Adam and Eve about their location.  "Where are you?" (Genesis 3:9)

God knew where they were.  It was Adam and Eve that needed to realize their location. 

God orchestrated an opportunity for His people to hear Him, recognize their wrong, and come honestly to Him.  But they hid, blamed, and made excuses.  Yet even in His judgment and the expulsion from the garden, God protected them.  

The first animals ever killed gave their lives to make garments that covered the shame and nakedness that resulted from sin.  God Himself made that sacrifice, just a picture of the ultimate and permanent sacrifice of Christ. 

Adam and Eve were sent out of God's garden, the Tree of Life guarded so that they would never eat from it.  Even in the midst of God's judgment and punishment, He was merciful that they not eat of it's fruit and live forever in the state of sin they were now in. 

Where are you?  I ask myself that question, too.  Am I hiding? 

We do well to turn our location services on, crying out to God, with undivided honest hearts, searching ourselves, laying all bare before Him. 

He knows it.  There is no hiding.  It is only from ourselves that we hide.  

Thinking....



“Make it as clear as you can to all you meet that you're on their side, working with them and not against them…Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down.

It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. 

Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.

 Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies."
Phillipians 4:5-9 from The Message

This passage has been heavy on my mind for several days.  It holds one of the lists we are given in scripture that is worth noting.

• True
• Honest
• Just
• Pure
• Lovely
• Good report
• Admirable
• Praiseworthy

That’s some good stuff.  But it is so much easier to dwell on the negatives.  Certainly, our enemy will influence us to do so, to criticize, tear down, accuse.  I surely don’t want people letting him influence them to be of that mindset toward me.  But so often, I confess that I am influenced to go there myself.  God help and forgive. Even more, restore what may have been damaged by my error.

Wherever my mind goes is often where my words and actions follow.  Paul’s instructions here are to be purposeful in our thinking.  Can we step back and examine what is influencing our thoughts?  What might a careful examination reveal?  What sources beside God’s will and Word might influence our thinking, thereby influencing our behavior and our words? 

There is so much wrong, everywhere we look we can easily find wrong!  Oh Lord God, help us to have eyes to see good things, and to be the instruments in Your Mighty Hand to build up, to encourage,  to bring unity, and to be people who love.  Especially when it is difficult to love.  Pour into us extra measures of love and grace and make us as free to give as we are to receive. 

 

Whole lotta shakin' goin' on....♪♫••*•♫♪♫•*•♫♪♪*•♫♪♪♫••*•♫♪♫•*•♫♪♪*•♫♪♪♫••*•♫♪♫•*•♫♪♪*

“At that time his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised, "Once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens."

The words "once more" indicate the removing of what can be shaken--that is, created things--so that what cannot be shaken may remain.

Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe..”(Hebrews 12:26-28 NIV)


We are abrupty brought to realize the fact…what we depend on is undependable.

Health fails, then we can’t work to earn the money we depend on, or we lose our job and lose the income we rely on to meet our needs.

Death strikes unannounced, and removes people we planned to grow old with. Accidents steal parts of what we imagined lay ahead.

Betrayal changes what we thought our future would be like.

Spouses leave, children rebel, parents forsake, and what we anticipated and assumed goes up in smoke.

Shaking. It knocks us off balance, brings us to our knees our heads reeling and our hearts breaking. Every single thing in this realm can be shaken and might fall apart at any moment.

There is only One Who is unshakable, only one thing sure, and that is eternity.

I purpose today to live in His kingdom, depend on His provision, and trust Him for tomorrow.

I purpose to appreciate what He has given but not cling to it, knowing that it is only Him that I can truly anchor myself in. He can and will remove everything else….